Writing task 2 - threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace

[jedah]

Question:

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy.

The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Answer:

Some people believe that the benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages while some believe otherwise. In this essay, I will explore both sides of the coin and then give my opinion on this matter.

It is an undeniable fact that nuclear technology is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. This is proven by the fact that no world war has taken place since the invention and utilization of nuclear weapons. It acts as a deterrent to the act of war. Furthermore, nuclear power is a cheap and clean source of energy for the world. I strongly believe, however, that the cons of nuclear technology far outweigh the pros.

Firstly, the aforementioned benefits of nuclear technology can only be availed by countries that have this technology. Nuclear arms, for instance, are only possessed by a handful of countries, namely, the US, the UK, France, China, Russia, India and Pakistan. Thus, such countries have an undue advantage at hand in the field of military. There have been instances when such countries have used their ownership of nuclear arms for bullying smaller countries and acting as world police. Nuclear weapons ownership destabilizes the balance of power in the world with some countries having the upper hand over others. Moreover, the use of nuclear weapons can lead to the deaths of millions of innocent civilian population at times of war, as was seen in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In addition to that, development of nuclear arms by other countries has been banned by IEAI, which is unfair, as all countries should have the right to develop nuclear arms.

Undoubtedly, nuclear power is a clean and good source of energy but the effects of a nuclear spillover are devastating and horrendous as can be seen from the past incidents of Chernobyl nuclear plant disaster and Fukushima Nuclear plant disaster. A nuclear spillover has far reaching and long lasting negative impacts on the environment and the people.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the world is better off without nuclear technology because nuclear technology has proved to be more devastating than fruitful for humankind.

 

[englishgeek]

Some people believe that the benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages while some believe otherwise. In this essay, I will explore both sides of the coin topic and then give my opinion on this matter.

It is an undeniable fact that nuclear technology is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century (Your statement here sounds very strong with the use of "undeniable fact", especially when you just wrote you are exploring both sides. Another way you could say it is "it is well known" or "it is widely believed that"). The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. This is proven by the fact that no world war has taken place since the invention and utilization of nuclear weapons. It acts as a deterrent to the act of war. Furthermore, nuclear power is a cheap and clean source of energy for the world. I strongly believe, however, that the cons of nuclear technology far outweigh the pros.

Firstly, the aforementioned benefits of nuclear technology can only be availed by countries that have this technology. Nuclear arms, for instance, are only possessed by a handful of countries, namely, the US, the UK, France, China, Russia, India and Pakistan. Thus, such countries have an undue advantage at hand in the field of military. There have been instances when such countries have used their ownership of nuclear arms for bullying smaller countries and acting as world police. Nuclear weapons ownership destabilizes the balance of power in the world with some countries having the upper hand over others. Moreover, the use of nuclear weapons can lead to the deaths of millions of innocent civilians population at times of war, as was seen in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In addition to that, development of nuclear arms by other countries has been banned by IEAI, which is unfair, as all countries should have the right to develop nuclear arms.

Undoubtedly, nuclear power is a clean and good source of energy but the effects of a nuclear spillover are devastating and horrendous as can be seen from the past incidents of Chernobyl nuclear plant disaster and Fukushima Nuclear plant disaster. A nuclear spillover has far reaching and long lasting negative impacts on the environment and the people.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the world is better off without nuclear technology because nuclear technology has proved to be more devastating than fruitful for humankind.

 

[englishgeek]

So, I would like to say your essay written well grammatically. So I believe you could score well for Grammatical range and accuracy and Lexical Resource, but low for Coherence and cohesion.

As I wrote in the red font, you need to be careful not to be not to make very strong statements, especially when presenting two sides of the topic. Even in essays where it asks for your opinion, I would suggest not to use language which expresses your opinion too strongly as it doesn't make your essay look balanced.

Some of the language I am talking about:

"undeniable fact"
" This is proven by the fact"
" strongly believe "

To me your writing doesn't seem logical.

Band 7 in Coherence and cohesion: logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout

Band 6: arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression. In my mind you don't have clear progression.

Your conclusion seems out of place in my opinion. You say you are against nuclear technology but you also state that it maintains world peace.

Does this makes sense? I would be a good exercise to try and rewrite your essay, or at least the introduction.

 

[jedah]

Some people believe that the benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages while some believe otherwise. In this essay, I will explore both sides of the topic and then give my opinion.

It is widely believed that nuclear technology is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. Some people claim that the threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace since no world war has taken place ever since the invention and utilization of nuclear weapons. They claim that it acts as a deterrent to the act of war. Furthermore, they also claim that nuclear power is a cheap and clean source of energy for the world. I strongly believe, however, that the cons of nuclear technology far outweigh the pros.

Firstly, the aforementioned benefits of nuclear technology can only be availed by countries that have this technology. Nuclear arms, for instance, are only possessed by a handful of countries, namely, the US, the UK, France, China, Russia, India and Pakistan. Thus, such countries have an undue advantage at hand in the field of military. There have been instances when such countries have used their ownership of nuclear arms for bullying smaller countries and acting as world police. Nuclear weapons ownership destabilizes the balance of power in the world with some countries having the upper hand over others. Moreover, the use of nuclear weapons can lead to the deaths of millions of innocent civilians at times of war, as was seen in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The claim, that the threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace, is also a weak one because small scale conflicts continue to occur throughout the world. In addition to that, development of nuclear arms by other countries has been banned by IEAI, which is unfair, as all countries should have the right to develop nuclear arms.

Nuclear power is a clean and good source of energy but the effects of a nuclear spillover are devastating and horrendous as can be seen from the past incidents of Chernobyl nuclear plant disaster and Fukushima Nuclear plant disaster. A nuclear spillover has far reaching and long lasting negative impacts on the environment and the people.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the world is better off without nuclear technology because nuclear technology has proved to be more devastating than fruitful for humankind.

 

[englishgeek]

Wow, great job. That is much better. Well done. In my opinion, I believe you should score at least an 8 with that essay.