WRITING TASK 2: The roles of music

Welcome to EnglishForum.com!
Are you ready to improve your English? Sign up free today!
Sign up

Jenny

New member
May 23, 2021
19
0
1
There are many different types of music in the world today.

Why do we need music?

Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?


These days, music becomes prevalent around the world with many different genres. It is likely to be an integral part of life because it has many benefits. It is believed that traditional music is more vital than the international one. Indeed, it is admitted that traditional music is more valuable when compared to the modern music today.

To begin with, music is crucial due to its numerous advantages. Firstly, listening to music is one of the best entertaining ways because it might help people release their pressure and relax after a long day working and studying hard. For instance, many students tend to listen to music in their leisure time as it may make them feel better. Secondly, music sometimes uplift their spirits. It is a great solace to those who are in bad mood and it could make them feel happier and more optimistic. Another good example is when a person met failure, he would be more motivative and endeavor to move forward. In fact, music has plethora of benefits, so it is likely to be extremely necessary among every single person.

Furthermore, beside the fact that international music becomes more popular and omnipresent, traditional music is still more crucial because of its values. First of all, it is a distinctive feature of a nation. Some countries are well-known partly because of their traditional music such as Korea, for example, is famous for its Kpop music. In addition, this kind of music could remind people about the culture and history of their countries, so they would never forget about their cultural identity and it might even create a larger patriotism inside each of them. While modern music, on the other hand, is produced as commercial products by businesspeople. Obviously, traditional music is more valuable than the international one.

In conclusion, admittedly, music could make our lives better by giving people many advantages. And beside that, it should be advocated that traditional music is more crucial than international music.
 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
517
102
43
These days, music becomes prevalent around the world with many different genres. It is likely to be an integral part of life because it has many benefits. It is believed that traditional music is more vital than the international one music. Indeed, it is admitted that traditional music is more valuable when compared to the modern music today.

To begin with, music is crucial due to its numerous advantages. Firstly, listening to music is one of the best forms of entertainment entertaining ways because it might can help people release their pressure and relax after a long day working and studying hard. For instance, many students tend to listen to music in their leisure time as it may can make them feel better. Secondly, music sometimes uplifts their spirits. It is a great solace to those who are in bad mood and it could make them feel happier and more optimistic. Another good example is when a person met failure, he would be more motivatived and endeavor to move forward. In fact, music has a plethora of benefits, so it is likely to be extremely necessary among every single person.

Furthermore, besides the fact that international music becomes more popular and omnipresent, traditional music is still more crucial because of its values. First of all, it is a distinctive feature of a nation. Some countries are well-known partly because of their traditional music such as Korea, for example, is famous for its Kpop music. In addition, this kind of music could remind people about the culture and history of their countries, so they would never forget about their cultural identity and it might even create a larger patriotism inside each of them. While modern music, on the other hand, is produced as commercial products by businesspeople. Obviously, traditional music is more valuable than the international music.

In conclusion, admittedly, music could make our lives better by giving people many advantages. And besides that, it should be advocated that traditional music is more crucial than international music.

Feedback

I would suggest avoiding using "admitted". It is admitted that ... I don't think it sounds good and is not the correct usage here.

Admittedly would be better. It is defined as: used when you are agreeing that something is true, especially unwillingly.

Admittedly, I am not a grammar expert, but I try my best to correct everyone's essays.

The example about Kpop is interesting, but can you call this traditional music?

Here is an article about traditional music that might be of interest: https://www.loc.gov/collections/son...essays/musical-styles/traditional-and-ethnic/

Traditional songs, often called "folk songs," are learned informally, within the context of family, tribe, community, or another close-knit group. Many traditional songs have been sung within the same family or ethnic and regional communities for generations, and as in the case of American traditional songs, can sometimes be traced back to such places of origin as Great Britain, Europe, or Africa and other homelands reflecting America's diverse cultural heritage. At some point the song would have been composed by a single individual, but that author may no longer be known. Most traditional and folk songs change over time, and as they are passed from person to person many variants of the same song or tune often spring up.
 

Jenny

New member
May 23, 2021
19
0
1
These days, music becomes prevalent around the world with many different genres. It is likely to be an integral part of life because it has many benefits. It is believed that traditional music is more vital than the international one music. Indeed, it is admitted that traditional music is more valuable when compared to the modern music today.

To begin with, music is crucial due to its numerous advantages. Firstly, listening to music is one of the best forms of entertainment entertaining ways because it might can help people release their pressure and relax after a long day working and studying hard. For instance, many students tend to listen to music in their leisure time as it may can make them feel better. Secondly, music sometimes uplifts their spirits. It is a great solace to those who are in bad mood and it could make them feel happier and more optimistic. Another good example is when a person met failure, he would be more motivatived and endeavor to move forward. In fact, music has a plethora of benefits, so it is likely to be extremely necessary among every single person.

Furthermore, besides the fact that international music becomes more popular and omnipresent, traditional music is still more crucial because of its values. First of all, it is a distinctive feature of a nation. Some countries are well-known partly because of their traditional music such as Korea, for example, is famous for its Kpop music. In addition, this kind of music could remind people about the culture and history of their countries, so they would never forget about their cultural identity and it might even create a larger patriotism inside each of them. While modern music, on the other hand, is produced as commercial products by businesspeople. Obviously, traditional music is more valuable than the international music.

In conclusion, admittedly, music could make our lives better by giving people many advantages. And besides that, it should be advocated that traditional music is more crucial than international music.

Feedback

I would suggest avoiding using "admitted". It is admitted that ... I don't think it sounds good and is not the correct usage here.

Admittedly would be better. It is defined as: used when you are agreeing that something is true, especially unwillingly.

Admittedly, I am not a grammar expert, but I try my best to correct everyone's essays.

The example about Kpop is interesting, but can you call this traditional music?

Here is an article about traditional music that might be of interest: https://www.loc.gov/collections/son...essays/musical-styles/traditional-and-ethnic/
Thanks a lot for your help ! Your feedback is very helpful to me.