Writing task 2 - range of technology available to individuals is increasing the gap between rich and poor people

[hannie]

Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people,while others think it has the opposite effect. Discuss both.

These days, there is a concern on the wider gap between the rich and the poor. People have differing views on whether the range of technology available to individuals should be responsible for this. Some people hold the view that the widening gap between the rich and the poor should be attributed to the technology. These people believe that wealthy people can easily access to advanced technology and acquire the latest messages than people who under financial pressure. Moreover, these allow wealthy people more likely to find additional opportunities to become productive and gain high salaries. For example, wealthy individuals always could pay for expensive computers and other technology elements which can help them improve efficient. By contrast, most of the poor only tend to buy cheap but out of date computers. As a result, this could contribute to widen the gap between the rich and the poor. However, opponents believe that range of technology available to individuals is narrowing this gap. With wider range of technology available to human beings,individuals from less well-off backgrounds can more easily achieve their career potential than before. These people could gain useful information on the internet in order to improve their academic performance and professional skills. For example, many students tend to share their successful or useful experience about how to gain higher score online. By learning or imitating them, students who can not afford the additional lessons could more likely to achieve high score, access to better education and find high-paid jobs. Although people under financial pressure can not afford the cost of best technology elements, they could more easily to become wealthy than be

 

[hannie]

Please evaluate it, thanks.

 

[englishgeek]

Thanks for posting.

I would suggest first getting your structure right first. It is important to use paragraphs and structure your essay. The question is asking to give two sides to a statement, so I would structure it something like:

- Introduction

- Paragraph 1: Write why the statement is true

- Paragraph 2: Write the opposing side

- Conclusion

Can you rewrite your essay here with paragraphs and more structure?

 

[hannie]

Yes, l'm sorry.

These days, there is a concern on the wider gap between the rich and the poor. People have differing views on whether the range of technology available to individuals should be responsible for this.

Some people hold the view that the widening gap between the rich and the poor should be attributed to the technology. These people believe that wealthy people can easily access to advanced technology and acquire the latest messages than people who under financial pressure. Moreover, these allow wealthy people more likely to find additional opportunities to become productive and gain high salaries. For example, wealthy individuals always could pay for expensive computers and other technology elements which can help them improve efficient. By contrast, most of the poor only tend to buy cheap but out of date computers. As a result, this could contribute to widen the gap between the rich and the poor.

However, opponents believe that range of technology available to individuals is narrowing this gap. With wider range of technology available to human beings,individuals from less well-off backgrounds can more easily achieve their career potential than before. These people could gain useful information on the internet in order to improve their academic performance and professional skills. For example, many students tend to share their successful or useful experience about how to gain higher score online. By learning or imitating them, students who can not afford the additional lessons could more likely to achieve high score, access to better education and find high-paid jobs. Although people under financial pressure can not afford the cost of best technology elements, they could more easily to become wealthy than before.

In conclusion, l believe this trend could narrow the gap between the poor and the rich instead of widening.

 

[englishgeek]

No need to say sorry, just trying to help!

These days, there is a concern on about the wider gap between the rich and the poor. People have differing views on whether the range of technology available to individuals should be is responsible for this.

Some people hold the view that the widening gap between the rich and the poor should be attributed to the technology. These people believe that wealthy people can easily access to advanced technology and acquire the latest messages than people who are under financial pressure. Moreover, these allow wealthy people more likely to find additional opportunities to become more productive and gain higher salaries. For example, wealthy individuals always could pay for can purchase expensive computers and other technology elements electronic devices which can help them improve efficiency. By contrast, most of the poor only tend to buy cheap but out of date computers. As a result, this could contribute to widen the gap between the rich and the poor.

However, opponents believe that range of technology available to individuals is narrowing this gap. With wider a range of technology available to human beings, more individuals from less well-off backgrounds can more easily achieve their career potential than before. These people could gain useful information on the internet in order to improve their academic performance and professional skills. For example, many students tend to share their successful or useful experiences about how to gain higher scores online. By learning or imitating them, students who can not afford the additional lessons could more likely to achieve higher scores, access to better education and find high-paid jobs. Although people under financial pressure can not afford the cost of best technology elements technological products, they could more easily to become wealthy than before.

In conclusion, l believe this trend could narrow the gap between the poor and the rich instead of widening it.

 

[englishgeek]

Overall a good effort I think. I think you would score well in task response, since you answered the topic well and gave some good examples for and against. Your writing is balanced and you clearly stated your opinion.

A few grammatical errors, but they don't impede on your meaning. It was just a shame you used "technology elements" which doesn't make sense. I think you mean something like "technological devices", or even "gadgets" may have worked here.

I would give this an overall score of at least a 7.