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Renata
Renata

Writingtask2: In many countries, crime rates among younger people is rising



Nowadays, criminal activities are on the rise throughout the world and the most common culprits, these days, are younger people. I will discuss the reasons for the rise in crime rates amongst the younger segment of society and the possible solutions to this growing problem. Firstly, the major reason for this development is the increase in unemployment and poverty throughout the world. Many young people are unable to find employment and resort to criminal activities for earning and making ends meet. For instance, nowadays, unemployed youth are increasingly involved in theft and burglaries around the world because they find it an easy way to make money. Indeed, this all stems from the lack of education among young people who are left unemployed due to being illiterate. Moreover, glorification of criminals on TV shows and mainstream media plays a role in corrupting the mind of young people. For instance, popular TV shows like Narcos glorify criminals like Pablo Escobar and people are inspired by them. As a result, the younger population are emboldened to break the law for easy earning. Another significant cause is the violence and crime that is commonly portrayed in games. Young children fond of gaming are exposed to violence and crime from an early age through games and are, consequently, desensitized to crime and violence. Although games are rated according to their content, there are still no restrictions that prevent their purchase by younger children. In my opinion, these factors have played a role in increasing crime rates among the youth and the solutions lie in reversing these causes. Governments must play its part by providing educational and job opportunities to the youth of deprived segments of society. Moreover, unemployed youth should be provided interest free loans so that they may start a business instead of looking for a job. Admittedly, this is no easy task but the responsibility of supporting the deprived segments of society lies on the government. Another measure that should be taken is restricting violent content on mainstream media and games. Games that are rated as adult should be available for purchase and use by adults only. Setting in place stricter laws and monitoring of activities of younger people more likely to be involved in crime will help to curtail the rise in crime rates among youth. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that illiteracy and unemployment have made the younger population more vulnerable and more likely to be involved in criminal activities. Moreover, the widespread portrayal of crime and violence on mainstream media and games has further corrupted the minds of young people. Therefore, governments must take a prompt action to decrease illiteracy and unemployment among the youth and restrict violent content on mainstream media and games. These measures will gradually solve this issue.

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4 Answers

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Leonah
Leonah
English Tutor
Experience - IELTS, OET, CAEL, CELPIP, TOEFL, CAE, FCE, C2, PTE, SAT, DIGITAL SAT, TOEIC, APTIS, GMAT, DUOLINGO. BUSINESS + TRAVEL ENGLISH, from BEGINNER

Hi Renata Your question is beyond the scope of this “Questions and Answers” page. For comprehensive explanations, book some lessons to benefit more. This page does not provide essay marking services. Sign up with me and I'll prepare you for IELTS and assess your writing. https://preply.com/en/tutor/90551/ Best Regards

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Cristyna
Cristyna
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Hello, Your question is beyond the scope of this Q&A page. I recommend that you sign up with a Tutor to help you. Regards

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Jennie
Jennie
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Fun and effective English tutor with MA TESOL and 12 years of experience

Hello, Renata! You display a lovely range of expressions and communication skills in your essay.

Here are a couple thoughts you could consider when revising this essay with a tutor:

  • Be careful to support your arguments with evidence even if you don’t have hard data. You did a nice job using Narcos as supporting evidence; however, your first argument about unemployment and crimes among youth is a bit weaker. Try to add a specific example from the news or even a statistic you heard in order to strengthen your claims.
  • Another thing you might consider is going deeper into one or two major arguments instead of trying to cover so many connected topics in just two body paragraphs. You have some great ideas but your paragraphs tend to jump quickly from one thought to the next, leaving your reader with some unanswered questions in mind.

These are some rather large modifications to think about, and you could dig much deeper with a tutor on Preply. I know there are some exceptional Preply tutors who specialize in exactly this type of essay development for high-stakes exams - just search for IELTS or TOEFL, and you’ll find many awesome tutors.

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Naeema
Naeema
English Tutor
Expert English lessons with a Native English speaker, professional teacher with more than 3 years’ experience & qualified accountant with more than 4 years’ experience.Business English / General / Conversational English lessons.

Please discuss with a teacher in your lessons for feedback and writing skill tips.

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