Writing Task 2 - Improve public health

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longgtran

New member
Sep 29, 2021
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Topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion

It is sometimes argued that the most suitable way to strengthen people's health is by building more sports infrastructure. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I think this only has an insignificant impact on public health, and, therefore, more effective methods can be applied.

On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons why the deterioration of our health can be overcome due to the erection of sporting centres. The main reason is that sports facilities provide a suitable method of exercising. As a result, this helps people strengthen muscles and avoid getting unexpected accidents while practicing by themselves. Furthermore, the widespread of sports care raises people's awareness of their health. People usually want to exercise in a place with modern equipment and tend to invite their relations to avoid being bored, which plays a vital role in improving the community's health.

However, other justifiable measures to improve social health should be applied. Firstly, the government needs to implement a policy that attending working out while studying at school or working in the office is a compulsory part of every people's schedule. As a result, this new regulation saves a vast amount of time seeking gym clubs or training courses and reduces the budget for opening more sports services. Secondly, in addition to exercising regularly, people also need to have a well-balanced diet. For instance, the Japanese, famous for strict eating habits, have a lower rate of obesity and other dangerous diseases than others despite their lack of time for working out due to their busy working timetable.

In conclusion, while some maintain that the most effective way to increase the community's health is geared to construct sporting centres. I firmly believe that it is better to take other compelling methods.
(294 words)

Can you give me some suggestions and evaluate my score? Thank you so much
 

englishgeek

Active member
Sep 23, 2020
753
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It is sometimes argued that the most suitable way to strengthen people's health is by building more sports infrastructure. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I think this only has will have an insignificant impact on public health, and, therefore, more effective methods can should be applied.

On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons why the deterioration of our health can be overcome due to the erection construction of sporting centres. The main reason is that sports facilities provide a suitable method of exercising. As a result, this helps people strengthen muscles and avoid getting unexpected accidents while practicing by themselves. Furthermore, the widespread of participation in sports care raises people's awareness of their health. People usually want to exercise in a place with modern equipment and tend to invite their relations to avoid being bored, which plays a vital role in improving the community's health.

However, other justifiable measures to improve social health should be applied. Firstly, the government needs to implement a policy that attending working out while studying at school or working in the office is a compulsory part of every people's schedule. As a result, this new regulation saves a vast amount of time seeking gym clubs or training courses and reduces the budget for opening more sports services. Secondly, in addition to exercising regularly, people also need to have a well-balanced diet. For instance, the Japanese, famous for strict eating habits, have a lower rate of obesity and other dangerous diseases than others despite their lack of time for working out due to their busy working timetable.

In conclusion, while some maintain that the most effective way to increase the community's health is geared to construct sporting centres. I firmly believe that it is better to take other compelling methods.

Feedback

I would say this is a reasonable response, but not great. You say that constructing sporting facilities will have an insignificant impact on people's health, but then go on to say there are some compelling reasons why health problems can be overcome by building sporting centres, without giving any concrete information as to why or how this can happen.

I would argue public health is deteriorating mainly from people eating highly processed food and while building sports facilities are great for communities, they may not directly impact overall public health.