Writing task 1

[hannie]

The graph shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over during 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and USA.

We can see clearly from the chart that it was objected that there would be more people aged 65 and over in all these three countries. As for Japan, it has the highest proportion of this group people at around 8%, before climbing slightly to 10%. Then it significantly increased to 15% in 1980 and fluctuated during the next four decades. ln the future,it was objected to rise to approximately 23%.
The figure for Sweden stood at 7% in 1940, after which time saw a dramatical increase and after a slight decrease it was objected to around 25% in 2040. By contrast, USA only had 5% people aged 65 and over and experienced a slight decrease to around 3 % and remained stable during 1960 to 1980. Then it rose significantly and was objected to over 25% which was 5 times as high as the percentage of 1940.
To sum up, the number of aged population will increase in the future.

 

[hannie]

 

[englishgeek]

We can see clearly from the chart that it was objected projected (maybe you mean projected? objected doesn't fit here) that there would be more people aged 65 and over in all of these three countries. As for Japan, it has the highest proportion of this group people at around 8%, before climbing slightly to 10%. Then it significantly increased to 15% in 1980 and fluctuated during the next four decades. ln the future, it was objected is projected to rise to approximately 23%.

The figure for Sweden stood at 7% in 1940, after which time saw a dramatical increase and after a slight decrease it was objected to around 25% in 2040. By contrast, USA only had 5% people aged 65 and over and experienced a slight decrease to around 3 % and remained stable during 1960 to 1980. Then it rose significantly and was objected to over 25% which was 5 times as high as the percentage of 1940.

To sum up, the number of aged population will increase in the future.

 

[hannie]

Thank you so much. Can you give me a evaluation?

 

[englishgeek]

Overall a reasonable, but not great response.

When answering these questions, try to imagine the reader cannot see the graph and you need to explain it to them.

Try to comment on the main trends. For me the main point is that the USA and Sweden have steady, predictable growth, but Japan is going to have a huge jump in the number of people aged over 65 in the future.

I would score this around 6-7. Your grammar seems good, but you seem to use inappropriate or incorrect vocabulary at times, which is a shame because that is sometimes a key word which is repeated in the essay and would make it difficult to get a higher band.

Keep practicing. My advice to you would be when it comes to choosing certain "keywords" for your essay that are directly related to the topic, make sure you are 95% sure it is the correct word.

 

[hannie]

I get that. Thank you.